Waste not, want more

No variations on a theme.

Feet Gripes

Sometimes I think my feet are more trouble thn they’re worth. Then it occurs to me this might be a mild overstatement. For the most part I am able to walk on them and put them to somewhat good use. But they have in the past and continue to cause various problems:

  • Balance issues. This may be made up, but the way I see it, small feet provide less stability. I’m a hypocrite though because I also like that my feet are small. Worse than that though are tiny toes, good-for-nuthins that for the most part only pretend to do their jobs. Exhibit A:

Balance so good my feet are blurry.

  • Rogue toe X2. Related to small feet and good-for-nuthin toes with no balance is my rogue toe, number 5 on both feet. GROSS ALERT: It makes up for length with width, being almost square. Worst of all, it doesn’t touch the ground. EVER. This makes shoes challenging. Everything rubs this toe. Even running shoes will eventually send this toe singing for its naked supper. I’ve given up on preventing rogue toe pain. Some sandals it just plain sticks out of, not even pretending to want to fit in with the other little piggies. Indeed. Exhibit B:

One, two, three, four... yep, that's it, four toes!

  • Shape. A wide toe region and narrow heel make for a frustrating trip to the shoe store. I’m still waiting for the revenge of the triangle foot people.
  • Skin. While being difficult to callous is good for the daintiness (not that it matters with the above mentioned problems), it makes hiking and wearing birkenstocks for prolonged periods difficult. The skin on my feet hovers in a state of constant potential pain just waiting for any old excuse to half-callous or blister. On walking vacations I have to take enough pairs of shoes to switch twice a day, in case blisters form with one pair, and then another. But worse than the blisters is the itchy phase, often lasting multiple days and causing the most distress while I’m trying to get my beauty sleep. It is not uncommon for me to get up at 2am and splash cold water on my feet hoping to numb them until I fall back asleep.
  • Buying shoes. It is impossible to know what will bother my feet until I go for a stroll outside. This does not go over well with the shoe store gods, who look down on soiled soles. Shoes that do work for me tend to be pricey and still cause problems. When I do find shoes, I feel eternally grateful, I promise. Exhibit C (praise current running shoe):

Bless them

  • Pretty shoes = enemy. I’m not going to pretend that I’m not a chunky shoe/running shoe kind of person. Let’s face it, I wouldn’t be wearing dainties every day, even if I could. But I might occasionally like to wear something not made by Teva or Keen. Heels are hell for me. Besides the aforementioned issues, the balls of my feet scream, “we’ll work out a bunion this minute if you don’t take those OFF!” Yesterday I bought some sandals that looked quite unthreatening. They’re just barely raised in the back. They’re quite strappy, which I knew was dangerous, but seemed very comfortable as I did laps around the store. After a ten minute walk in them yesterday, I had 3/4 inch long blisters on the bottoms of each foot. Awesome. They’re unreturnable so I’m going to try a home adjustment job. yay. Exhibit D:

They only look harmless. My punishment for buying shoes made in China.

As a result, I’ve developed a bit of a foot obsession. Some people thinks this means that I love feet or have a foot fetish. I liken it more to some sort of horrifying occasion that you can’t quite look away from. And oh do I look. Which might explain why I tried to convince the twenty women on my floor in my first year of university that they should all lie down under a blanket with their feet out and I would identify them one by one. They wouldn’t go for it. I had to settle for announcing the name of the person in the toilet stall next to mine and other shenanigans. It’s scary the number of feet I could identify. People have no idea.

A few other foot pics to round things out:

Healthy feet - not my feet!

Not feet at all. Whew.

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June 6, 2010 - Posted by | Childhood Complaints, Irritated, Waste

4 Comments »

  1. Those are some serious feet issues. But totally opposite to my own feet gripes. Seriously– your feet and my feet are the yin and yang of complementary foot problems.

    Comment by Dana | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • We could start an organization; we’d represent a good portion of foot issues everywhere!

      Comment by roseflux | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  2. I LOVE your feet, though hate the pain your go thru, I do miss twitchy though 🙂

    And send me those sandals I’ll put em to good use 🙂

    Comment by Katie Chipman | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  3. […] I would worry over. Anyway, Kev paid park fees while I set to taping my feet. That’s right, my horrid feet feature prominently in this tale of joy, crankiness, and intrigue. Bad omen? I think […]

    Pingback by Juan de Fuca Hates me (and other tales of pity) « Waste not, want more | August 25, 2010 | Reply


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