Waste not, want more

No variations on a theme.

I don’t get out much

I wrote the following four sentences six months ago as a draft.

“As I believe I’ve said before, my life is not a run away train of Huck Finn adventures (clearly, if Huck Finn is my reference). There’s mainly a lot of computer sitting, interspersed with some domestic activities, bike rides, movies and yoga. I don’t mind at all, but I think many would perish at the mere thought of such an existence. The bonus, obviously, is the excitement over little things.”

Sadly things have slid to a lower level of excitement in the last couple of months.Unfortunately, right now, the list of little things to celebrate has been downgraded from bike rides and yoga to items such as

  • making a complete and tasty meal, which still happens but not as often as I would like
  • cleaning the kitchen
  • having the bus arrive just as I do but without the stress of the half-block jog
  • scavenging enough food for my lunch (PB&J, chunk of halveh, banana, chunk of cheese – yay, can’t find anything green in there? you got it!)
  • the days I don’t need long-johns
  • movies
  • watching my plants grow
  • grapefruit
  • daydreaming about going to physio again
  • phone calls
  • and, ever so rarely, writing something, anything.

Of course, this is a snapshot of a particularly busy time that is equal to much less than a whole life (hopefully). But I am still keenly aware that I am allowing life to pass me by. I can’t even say I’m watching it, because I am a bit of a prisoner in my own head. Moments of lucidity are rare. (The other day I noticed a tree was budding and I nearly fell over from surprise, at the budding and the noticing.) I am still enjoying life, or parts of it, on a daily basis, for which I am eternally grateful. But I am acutely conscious that if I die tomorrow it will not be atop a mountain peak either real or metaphoric but in a relatively dark canyon or crevasse, with it’s own beauty and wonder, but lacking the glory of the skies.

It’s a good thing I’ve crammed in some planned fun for this summer!

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March 5, 2011 - Posted by | Brackets, Cycling, Doing it the hard way, Law, Self-reflection, Waste

4 Comments »

  1. Hang in there. A means to an end… a means to an end.

    Comment by Katie Chipman | March 8, 2011 | Reply

  2. You can do it, Rose! I know that it feels horrid and suffocating right now, but there really IS a light at the end of this tunnel. I promise. 🙂

    Comment by Dana | March 9, 2011 | Reply

  3. Thank you both. I know I’ll make it, but hope I haven’t taken years off my soul in the process! It seems to be all about me these days…

    Comment by Rose | March 9, 2011 | Reply

    • I shaved off at least 10 years of soul during my Masters program, but I think the effects are reversible to a degree. Fingers crossed! 🙂

      Comment by Dana | March 13, 2011 | Reply


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