Waste not, want more

No variations on a theme.

Lou

Now that I’ve expressed my extreme hesitation in posting this teen diatribe on mortality, I feel better about posting it. It’s funny how that works. I don’t take much stock in what I said below, but it expresses the sadness I felt at the time in the way that I knew to address it: anger and morbidity.

So, my dad’s got a cane now. Next it’ll be a walker, then a wheelchair. His walk is now much more laboured. He lifts his leg a foot in the air to take a step. Two weeks ago I would have just thought I was imagining things. This is going to be quick. Yes.

Funny, when I was five and my brother graduated I found out that the guys dance with their mothers, girls with their fathers. Then I figured out that my dad would be sixty-three when I graduated. I figured my dad would either be dead or decrepid by my graduation. Now, I was only five but when I have insight, I have insight. I hope my brother’s a good dancer.

Post-script: Dad and I couldn’t dance at graduation, but he was most certainly there. I later learned that he was impressed at my lack of embarassment when I wheeled him out for the grand march. I never minded sticking out a little and he always liked a good ride.

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February 2, 2012 - Posted by | Childhood Complaints, Doing it the hard way, Writing

9 Comments »

  1. Gosh, you were articulate, my friend. Way more so than I was at that age. I’m sure these feelings were profoundly normal–not to mention probably mature. You seem able to process and accept the situation well.
    Thanks for sharing, Rose!
    Hugs,
    Kathy

    Comment by Kathryn McCullough | February 3, 2012 | Reply

    • I bet you were too, Kathy. It sounds immature to me, but everything always does to me after a little time, be it a week or 14 years. I did deal okay at the time, lucky for me. Thanks so much for your comments!

      Comment by Rose | February 3, 2012 | Reply

  2. Your writing seems to possess remarkable clarity, even if you feel embarrassed by it 16 years later. I can’t imagine how I would have dealt with a similar situation at that age… probably with nowhere near as much class and/or panache!

    PS: I was offline all weekend, so happy belated to you! 🙂

    Comment by Dana | February 7, 2012 | Reply

    • Thanks, Dana. I think it helps that I’ve never been too terrified about other people’s death. Sometimes I worry I didn’t care enough of react enough after this initial processing.

      Hooray to an offline weekend!

      Comment by Rose | February 8, 2012 | Reply

  3. Hey Rose– just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. I hope everything is going well! 🙂

    Comment by Dana | February 23, 2012 | Reply

    • Thanks so much for checking in. Things are well but busy and leaving me without headspace for the blogging world. I do miss my blog friends though. I haven’t figured out how I’ll deal with that. How do you do it?

      Comment by Rose | February 23, 2012 | Reply

      • I totally understand the hectic pace. During Harbour season, I aim to post once a month. I read my fave blogs maybe once a week (maybe) but barely get time to comment. It’s tough, I know. 😦 Glad to hear you’re well otherwise.

        Comment by Dana | February 24, 2012

  4. I’m impressed that you wheeled him out too. You are getting beyond the humble people keeping their heads down mode. Congratulations. So you can be authentically you without pretense when it matters, and- amazingly- the world does not end! You do not find yourself attacked by a maased crowd of other people condemning you!

    This is the work I am doing on myself. Good to see you are too.

    Comment by Clare Flourish | March 16, 2012 | Reply

    • Thanks, Clare. I’m not so sure that I am though. I suspect my family would still be less than impressed if they came upon this though. Not that I don’t need to let that go, but that’s where I’m at. Thanks for your support! Good luck with your own good work.

      Comment by Rose | March 16, 2012 | Reply


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